Mid-Life Revelation

I find November a difficult month, I think many people do as the days get shorter and the weather more foul than fair.

But for me it also represents the time of year when I remember my darkest days of grief. My husband died on the Saturday right before Remembrance Sunday.

The weekend before we hosted a firework party.

November 5th is also the day I remember my official cancer diagnosis. And it is the month I moved from one end of the country to the other by myself.

There are so many tangled thoughts that spin in my head as the leaves start to tumble from the trees.

The golden leaves so bright and vibrant, the crisp autumnal days with the scent of woodsmoke in the air which can be quite magical. I think every season has its merits and I’m not sure I’ve ever worked out which one is my favourite.

Here is a poem I wrote for an autumn poetry competition a few months ago. It wasn’t placed and it will never see the light of day, unless I post it here. Enjoy my ponderings.

What do you like best or least about this time of year?

Mid-Life Revelation

At 56, am I in my autumn years?

A time of going crusty round the edges

Desiccated like dying leaves.

Shrivelled and diminished.

Am I doomed to droop and drop?

Try as I might I can’t cling on.

My shedding has revealed an old abandoned nest,

My youth has truly flown.

What is there to look forward to?

A harsh winter and death.

Left naked and exposed,

Becoming worm food as I decay.

And yet – autumn is a time of joy,

No longer holding on to preconceptions,

Going out in a blaze of crimson glory.

The best display thus far.

Wrapped up warm and cosy

Mug of cocoa in hand,

Memories swirling like the windswept leaves

Rich smoky sunsets.

A warmish day without a cardigan – bliss

Sweet blackberries staining my lips – a delight

Conkers like glossy jewels falling at my feet.

Oh, how I love this time of year!